Insider's Guide to the Tri-Geek

Perhaps my last post requires some form of definition. So given the popularity of my exposé on the highly secretive (and true) lifestyle of the professional triathlete, here is an insider's guide...for the outsider's benefit.

The common tri-geek (citius fortius geekius) is a harmless and generally pleasant creature but highly complex in it's social and behavioural characteristics. Considered nocturnal for their ridiculously early AM workouts, the tri-geek is rarely seen by the public eye as they are also typically in bed by 7pm. However if one is spotted in it's natural environment they are unmistakable for their key characteristics:



Class 1 Tri-Geek: "Not yet a triathlete"
The fact that someone is merely entertaining the thought of doing something as ridiculous as a triathlon makes you a geek in some way. The class 1 geek will often spend hours on the internet searching though mountains of information to determine whether or not a triathlon is in fact a life or death activity.

Class 2 Tri-Geek: "What am I becoming?!"
Once past class 1, the tri-geek has participated in triathlons and purchased a few of the "essentials" such as a $7000 tri bike, one piece tri suit (similar in form to a standard unitard, but often flashier colours and over $200) and owns an increasingly ridiculous collection of pool toys. The tri-geek is becoming capable of self-awareness: "I think these carbon brake levers are going to make me faster."

Their entire lexicon and thought process are beginning to be consumed by training concepts and goal events, and math capabilities are reduced to counting down the days to NBC's Kona coverage. However the class 2 remains a fully functioning member of society and will still have a few social acquaintances who are not triathletes.

Class 3 Tri-Geek: "What the **** is wrong with you"
The class 3 tri-geek has given up on attempting to conceal their identity (either forced or they just want everyone to know). Easily identifiable through: compression socks and recovery sandals in public, eating organic granola cereal, extensive napping through the day, and owning any combination of:
1. Normatec MVP
2. aerodynamic water bottles
3. freestyle snorkel
4. Ironman credit card (I assume they have a $4 million limit if WTC makes them)

Perceived value of national currency becomes clouded as the class 3 will often own multiple 4-digit bikes and spend their disposable income on flights and race fees. The class 3 is generally considered a social outcast to all but their fellow tri-geeks. The only good news is, if they find someone willing to listen to their droning about triathlon, they are rather entertaining and interesting beings given their passion and drive to be awesome.

Pro Triathlete: "The closet tri-geek"
Professional triathletes often attempt to mask their identity as a full-blown class 3 tri-geek, but trust me, they're friggin' dorks. The simple fact that they consider triathlon a job provides all the evidence necessary. Social capabilities are entirely replaced by an obsession with training numbers (see bel0w).

The pro triathlete will attempt (unsuccessfully) to talk about things other than themselves, and will often attend post-race "social" gatherings...consisting entirely of other triathletes. While the pro tri-geek occasionally takes on a better-than-thou attitude for their exceptional fitness level, many remain humble and relatively pleasant in company (unless the perpetual scent of chlorine makes you nauseous).