I Can't Think of a Title

Perhaps hitting my head knocked some sense into me, or maybe I've just had some time to think...since I don't have much else to do.

First off I want to thank everyone for the support I have recieved throughout what has been a difficult and, for the most part, disappointing summer. And yes, at some points I chose to ignore the support when athletes and coaches were telling me what I finally heard from the doctors after a month of procrastination.

If something could possibly go wrong to prematurely end a race, hold me back from my potential, or mess up a race schedule, it has happened to me this year. I'm not one to dwell on the negatives or look for excuses, but those around me know that everything that has happened this summer has been out of my control. Not that there isn't anything to take from all of the experiences.

I really thought this season was going to be a huge stepping stone in my career as an athlete. Through the winter and spring I trained harder and with more focus than ever, and my road and running races definitely showed that. I hopped in a road race in the middle of a 400km week of riding and found the podium, then got some more hardware and prize money at my first ever half marathon, then ran a 16:59 5k in base training (and had a 4-hour indoor brick session immediately after). Not to mention setting numerous PB's in the pool. I had the most incredible trip down to St Croix for my A-race with Amanda, where I flatted out. Then there was personal tragedy. I raced well in Leamington but could not help but be disappointed when leg craps and a foot injury held me back on the run. Then things started to turn around with the Welland Half - not the race of my life, but a proud moment and plenty of room to improve. Then, for the first time in my life I crashed out of a race...and here I am.

When I think of my successes in this sport I don't have much trouble generating a list; partially because not having much of an athletic background I am proud of where I have taken myself, but mostly because that list is not very long. And I don't mean that to be overly self-critical. But if I were to think of my proudest accomplishments in my career as a triathlete it would look something like this:

1. 2007, my first year in the sport and having no idea what to expect let alone how to train, I set two goals for myself. Do a half ironman and qualify for Age Group Worlds. I did both.

2. 2009 I was offered the opportunity to train with the Provincial Triathlon Center for the summer. I quit my job, moved to Guelph and had my best season of training, capped off by winning AG Nationals and getting my elite card.

3. 2012 my one and only highlight from the year, I finally broke my streak of bad luck at the half ironman distance and finished one, breaking 4:30

Throwing aside all expectations and pressure that comes with (mostly self-induced) the "status" of professional triathlete, those three experiences are what I draw upon most when searching for motivation or direction. After a season like I have had, I can't help but look back and try to figure out where to go from here. My contrast to that list above would be my season goals and expectations from the last three years:

2010 - I pissed vinegar in my first year with my pro card, and despite my motivation I posted a DNF in both of my two A-races that year. My best results were a couple local podiums and a 9th place 2:04 at the Montreal Esprit Olympic.

2011 - DNS at my A-race in an inconsistent year but at least managed to race to my potential a few times and picked up two small wins.

2012 - My goals were to finish in the top-15 at 70.3 St. Croix and win the Multisport Canada series prize money. I flatted in St. Croix, and you know the rest of the story.

There are definitely some positives I have taken from my short season this year. First off is my swimming. I have never been a swimmer and it has always been my weakness in this sport. It took me two years to realize that a sub-20 1500m wasn't "just going to happen", and I have worked my ass off in the pool for the last 10 months. The result was 3 open water PB's and very consistent swim splits at all my races - all between 1:27-1:29 over all distances. Sure there is a lot of room to improve, but I am damn proud of that. And I'm looking forward to putting more km's in over the fall and winter.

The second thing I have learned this year, in terms of my motivation is that 1. I am in fact capable of racing a half, and 2. it is by far my favourite distance to race, but more importantly train for. I would ride 700km a week if I could. But I also realized that I don't need a pro card or an expensive destination event to have a passion for training and feel the sense of accomplishment from finishing.n My short-term goals and plans for next season are much simpler than they have been over the last couple years. I have nothing to prove to anyone because I have pro beside my name on the results. In fact I don't even care if I'm racing elite; I probably put more hours in at work than the average age group athlete and I make one fifth as much as the average Ironman athlete.

So my goal in training is to pick races that are motivating and lend to what my body and mind thrive on (ie. long distance), and my goals in racing are to do the ones I like and where I can measure my success by personal gains rather than results. My long terms goals have not changed, and regardless of my focus I still want to break that 20-minute 1500, be first off the bike, or run a 33 minute 10k. But the kind of goals I have are the kind that might take ten years to achieve, and I'm sick of racing myself into the ground every year. So you may not see me on a Rev3 or ITU start line next year, but you can expect me to race like hell at the ones I am at. I still have some decompressing to do, and it will still be a while before I can get on track for next season, but I already have a pretty good idea of what I want the year to look like. The most important part being training hard and racing fast.