Been a While

So you know when you see someone that you haven't seen in a really long time, and you both make eye contact, but its been so long that it would be less effort to pretend you didn't recognize them and continue with what you were doing, than make the effort to say hi? But you can't help but look again and, "damn, they saw me again"...and now its awkward? I know you know what I mean. Well that's how I feel about this blog right now.

I love to write, its the only thing I was good at in school. And I like to have opinions, even if they are occasionally baseless or obnoxious. So either I could spend my time criticizing the writing and opinions of others, or just take it upon myself to try and carve out my own little literary niche in the triathlon community. The latter tends to be more productive and generates less angry-eyed stares from my mom when she reads this.

Over the summer I let my blog become a bit of a beating post for my frustrations with the race season and I found myself getting overly reflective on what could have been. I have learned a lot from this past summer - priorities, having fun, and gaining more appreciation for a sport that I have not yet figured out - but I feel alienated from the attitude I like to bring to the sport and to what I write about.

There are a lot of athletes in the sport, often at the higher levels of competition, who can at times lack an outside perspective on their training and racing when things go bad. You can't help but wonder, how did they not know they were injured? How did they not know they were not prepared for that level of competition? Why is it that there is a strong positive correlation between the relative strength of an athlete and their lack of satisfaction with a performance?

I think runners are even worse for this than triathletes - running is such an inherently simple sport - but when was the last time you went to a running race and DIDN'T hear someone complain about an injury, the course, the weather, their competition etc. And its usually the fast ones! What kind of example does that set for beginner athletes or those who know they aren't racing to win? I should train more to lose confidence, and get faster so I can complain about myself more?

But triathletes are probably a close second in the world of excuse making at the finish line. Its amazing the perspective you can gain from simply watching a race that you would otherwise prefer to be competing in. Sure, I want to be fast, really really fast. But not at the expense of losing my reasons for participating. I NEVER want to be the athlete who crosses the finish line and has ANYTHING negative to say, either at the race or in writing. As an endurance athlete, if you race poorly, you can regret your lack of preparation and nothing else. We don't do endurance sports because they're easy or we expect all the stars to align for every event. The fun is in the challenge. I love training, racing, the traveling that comes with it, and sometimes telling my story about it. And I'm tired of making it seem as though I don't enjoy what I do.

I want to be the athlete who didn't have it all the talent handed to me, but am proud of how hard I work because I do this for myself, and who is grateful for any chance I get to race. Whether I win or stagger across the finish line. No empty flashiness, no questionably epic pain faces, just focused and having fun. If this blog is an autobigraphical story on my career in triathlon, I'm closing the awkwardly self-reflective chapter of painful overthinking, and getting back to talking about fun things, exciting plans...and still the occasional opinionated rant when I feel the need to weigh in.

First is some more exciting traveling! In a few days I'm taking on a different role and perspective and heading to Triathlon World Champs as a member of the support staff, but more importantly a ridiculously loud spectator for my girlfriend Amanda who is competing at her first Age Group Worlds. I'm looking forward to turning this into a bit of a travel blog for a few weeks while we are in New Zealand, assuming I don't break my neck in any one of: freeriding, zorb balling, hobbit hunting, horseback riding through the mountains, or the world's biggest ledge swing.

When we get back it will be right into training for 2013, and I already have most of my season set. I am still giving it some thought but I am really happy with my plans so far. I can't wait to get the year started off right with LPC Florida Camp, and I am also looking forward to putting in some more miles on the R3 and race for the CoachChris.ca cycling team again. I'm always going to be a triathlete first, but I love cycling, and its fun trying to figure out the finer aspects of road racing. And I just happen to be pretty good at it :) I'm even getting a Powertap back on my bike, in large part so I can post my sign sprint wattage PB's. But more on all the new toys when I get back!

Rehab

If there was a rehab facility for a bike shopping addiction, I would be there. But there is not. So all I've got is injury rehab...and enough bikes to cover any kind of riding my ADD mind conjures up.

So about a month ago, after being told by series director (and good friend) John Salt that he would not let me enter another Multisport Canada race before getting a full assessment from a sports physician on my concussion, I finally got things checked out. John gave me the name of a very highly regarded sports concussion specialist, Dr. Lisa Fischer.

Only down side, she works at the Fowler Kennedy Sport Medicide Clinic at Western. I don't mind publicly announcing my distaste for the clinic, as it was there that I was told I "should probably give up triathlons for good" when I first injured my back. However that experience is what led me to my current physio Elizabeth Fox, who single handedly brought me back into the sport and has made me a stronger healthier athlete. I was not keen on going back to Fowler for the first time in over four years, but I trust John very much and decided to make an appointment.

Turns out Dr. Fischer is in fact a very good doctor, and I wish I had more than ten seconds of correspodence with her to pick her brain more. She immediately diagnosed a number of unresolved post-concussive symptoms that were being exacerbated by increased heart rate and blood pressure during my training. So it was couch surfing time until further notice. At first I was actually relieved to be sitting at home doing nothing while my friends and training partners were posting PB's at their A-races. It had been such a battle over the month prior to get my body and mind to cooperate and get half a workout in, let alone stumble through my sub-par Bracebridge race, that it felt great to have answers and have some relief from fighting against myself.

After two weeks of no training, no loud movies (I still haven't seen Dark Knight Rises!), no Ipod, and limited computer and TV, I went back for a followup. Unfortunately my previous symptoms of perpetually feeling like I was in a daze and having dizzy spells had given way to headaches and even some emotional symptoms. One more week of sitting on my ass. At least I was starting to feel some motivation to race and anxiousness to get back out on my bike.

Finally this week I had my second follow-up. The only symptom remaining was very minor intermittent headaches, but turns out those were a result of soft tissue damage in my neck. I STILL don't think I crashed THAT hard.......... But I was deemed recovered enough to take part in the "impact test". So they whack my head with a hammer and see if my brain goes foggy again? Nope, just a neurocognitive assessment to determine if there were any residual physiological symptoms impeding brain fuction. So I got to play some videogames and memory tests on the computer for a while and ended up with a score of 92, which is apparently "exceptional" relative to individuals of similar education and percieved intelligence (guess that's why I'm a grease monkey in a bike shop).

GOOD TO GO!

So just over 2 months after defying my bike handling skills and crashing myself out of a race, I got the go-ahead to resume training...starting at under 60 minutes, below 140 heart rate. No running just yet, but so far swimming and biking feels great, aside from feeling pathetically out of shape. Funny how three weeks off seems to put you back three years. But I'm only looking forward and I'm getting a head start on everyone on training for the 2013 season!

In fact I already have most of next season put together and have even registered for some races, but I'm holding off making any big announcements just yet. I will however say that next season's races will be a reflection of where my motivation lies in triathlon, my busy working schedule, and my desire to get back to my roots in the sport...and being fast :)

In non-racing news (for me at least), Amanda and I are leaving for ITU World Champs in a few weeks where she will be racing on her first Age Group Worlds team, and I will be acting as team mechanic for the Age Group team, and recently asked by Sir Craig Taylor to support the elite team as well. I'm looking forward to going in a spectator/support role having gone to AG Worlds twice to compete. I'm sure there will be no shortage of amazing running in NZ and hopefully I will find some good cross training activities (ie. bungee jumping, zorb ball, and testing out my freeride skills) in our travels. Off season is over Nov 1 when I get back and the countdown to a new season begins.

Season Wrap Up

I like to do this every season, for myself as much as anyone, as a look back at the past season and reflect on all of the ups and downs of the year. Sure it was a short tri season, and my upcoming trip to NZ for ITU World Champs (as loyal spectator and team mechanic) means no fall run races, but 2012 was still quite the journey. Here are a few photos from this season:

 

 

Good Friday Road Race: After taking on a full-time job (saying goodbye to living the dream) and my own training programming through the fall and winter, I had no idea what to expect when it came time to test my fitness leading up to Ironman 70.3 St. Croix. Turns out I had some legs on the bike! Despite the sub-zero temperature (while I was acclimating to 40+ degree weather) I controlled much of the race and took 3rd.

 

Ironman 70.3 St. Croix: What a difference from last time I raced St. Croix when I melted in the 50 degree humidity. Cold and rainy, and I flatted out on the debris-covered bike course. At least I get to say that I raced beside Lance (literally...he was bib # 7)

 

Leamington Tomatoman: Some proof of all the laps I put in over the winter. Second onto the bike at AG Provincials and lead for about 12k of the bike.

 

This is about where my strong racing ended in Leamington. A foot injury held me back on the run...not that I was going to catch Lionel Sanders anyway, who ran 15:30.

 

Welland Half Iron: I pushed my luck a little on the bike in my first crack at truly racing the distance. My swim-bike was about 2:52.

 

Man I was smashed at the finish, but I finished! 4:28. I can't wait to nail that run next time and take some serious time off.

 

 

I really wish there was some photo evidence from Huronia looking all bloody and tough...oh well. Instead here is a photo of Amanda kicking some ass in Gravenhurst! She has already racked up two overall wins this year and will be racing AG Worlds later this year. Look forward to some picture posts from that event!

 

 

I Can't Think of a Title

Perhaps hitting my head knocked some sense into me, or maybe I've just had some time to think...since I don't have much else to do.

First off I want to thank everyone for the support I have recieved throughout what has been a difficult and, for the most part, disappointing summer. And yes, at some points I chose to ignore the support when athletes and coaches were telling me what I finally heard from the doctors after a month of procrastination.

If something could possibly go wrong to prematurely end a race, hold me back from my potential, or mess up a race schedule, it has happened to me this year. I'm not one to dwell on the negatives or look for excuses, but those around me know that everything that has happened this summer has been out of my control. Not that there isn't anything to take from all of the experiences.

I really thought this season was going to be a huge stepping stone in my career as an athlete. Through the winter and spring I trained harder and with more focus than ever, and my road and running races definitely showed that. I hopped in a road race in the middle of a 400km week of riding and found the podium, then got some more hardware and prize money at my first ever half marathon, then ran a 16:59 5k in base training (and had a 4-hour indoor brick session immediately after). Not to mention setting numerous PB's in the pool. I had the most incredible trip down to St Croix for my A-race with Amanda, where I flatted out. Then there was personal tragedy. I raced well in Leamington but could not help but be disappointed when leg craps and a foot injury held me back on the run. Then things started to turn around with the Welland Half - not the race of my life, but a proud moment and plenty of room to improve. Then, for the first time in my life I crashed out of a race...and here I am.

When I think of my successes in this sport I don't have much trouble generating a list; partially because not having much of an athletic background I am proud of where I have taken myself, but mostly because that list is not very long. And I don't mean that to be overly self-critical. But if I were to think of my proudest accomplishments in my career as a triathlete it would look something like this:

1. 2007, my first year in the sport and having no idea what to expect let alone how to train, I set two goals for myself. Do a half ironman and qualify for Age Group Worlds. I did both.

2. 2009 I was offered the opportunity to train with the Provincial Triathlon Center for the summer. I quit my job, moved to Guelph and had my best season of training, capped off by winning AG Nationals and getting my elite card.

3. 2012 my one and only highlight from the year, I finally broke my streak of bad luck at the half ironman distance and finished one, breaking 4:30

Throwing aside all expectations and pressure that comes with (mostly self-induced) the "status" of professional triathlete, those three experiences are what I draw upon most when searching for motivation or direction. After a season like I have had, I can't help but look back and try to figure out where to go from here. My contrast to that list above would be my season goals and expectations from the last three years:

2010 - I pissed vinegar in my first year with my pro card, and despite my motivation I posted a DNF in both of my two A-races that year. My best results were a couple local podiums and a 9th place 2:04 at the Montreal Esprit Olympic.

2011 - DNS at my A-race in an inconsistent year but at least managed to race to my potential a few times and picked up two small wins.

2012 - My goals were to finish in the top-15 at 70.3 St. Croix and win the Multisport Canada series prize money. I flatted in St. Croix, and you know the rest of the story.

There are definitely some positives I have taken from my short season this year. First off is my swimming. I have never been a swimmer and it has always been my weakness in this sport. It took me two years to realize that a sub-20 1500m wasn't "just going to happen", and I have worked my ass off in the pool for the last 10 months. The result was 3 open water PB's and very consistent swim splits at all my races - all between 1:27-1:29 over all distances. Sure there is a lot of room to improve, but I am damn proud of that. And I'm looking forward to putting more km's in over the fall and winter.

The second thing I have learned this year, in terms of my motivation is that 1. I am in fact capable of racing a half, and 2. it is by far my favourite distance to race, but more importantly train for. I would ride 700km a week if I could. But I also realized that I don't need a pro card or an expensive destination event to have a passion for training and feel the sense of accomplishment from finishing.n My short-term goals and plans for next season are much simpler than they have been over the last couple years. I have nothing to prove to anyone because I have pro beside my name on the results. In fact I don't even care if I'm racing elite; I probably put more hours in at work than the average age group athlete and I make one fifth as much as the average Ironman athlete.

So my goal in training is to pick races that are motivating and lend to what my body and mind thrive on (ie. long distance), and my goals in racing are to do the ones I like and where I can measure my success by personal gains rather than results. My long terms goals have not changed, and regardless of my focus I still want to break that 20-minute 1500, be first off the bike, or run a 33 minute 10k. But the kind of goals I have are the kind that might take ten years to achieve, and I'm sick of racing myself into the ground every year. So you may not see me on a Rev3 or ITU start line next year, but you can expect me to race like hell at the ones I am at. I still have some decompressing to do, and it will still be a while before I can get on track for next season, but I already have a pretty good idea of what I want the year to look like. The most important part being training hard and racing fast.